"Jill's Bad Date "
So, my best friend Lesley set me up on a date with a guy named Rob, who lives in Pacific Beach, San Diego. Lesley had met him on a business trip when they were both in Washington, D.C. She talked highly of him, so I made plans to go to San Diego for the date. He told me that he had a new two bedroom apartment and I could stay in the other room. I decided I'd rather go there and be able to leave, than have him come to LA where I had no escape route. We said if the date went well, perhaps we would spend the next day at the beach.
I drove down to San Diego on Friday after work. The traffic was terrible. It took 4 hours and I didn't arrive until 10:00 p.m. By the time I was nearing San Diego, Rob had called me on my cell phone 3 times. The last time, he told me he thought I had just driven by so he ran inside to sprinkle water on his hair and brush his teeth. I was thinking "what the..?" Anyway, the last call is what set off my first panic bell.
Finally I arrived. When I drove up to his apartment, he was standing out front waiting for me. I could not believe my eyes. He was wearing black acid-wash, tapered jeans. Still, somehow, he'd managed to tuck in his Doc Marten boots and blouse-out his fish-printed "blouse." (You know how girls do it; you tuck in your shirt and then pull it out half way so it looks a little puffy? That's what he did. His fish shirt was bloused-out.)
Reluctantly I got out of my car and he immediately took me into the kitchen, which was the only room in the house with a light on. He handed me a shot of tequila and a lime and said, "Lesley called you her drinking buddy!" He put out his shot glass as if to say cheers, but instead of taking a shot he pretended to make out with his slice of lime, making "mmmm mmm mm" sounds. Immediately, I took my shot. Then another. And another.
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"Anonymous Bad Date"
I met this girl through a popular online dating website. Everything about her profile seemed generally fine, and the head shot picture that was attached to her profile was attractive. So after some online and phone conversations, I decided to ask her out. Keeping things pretty casual and low-key, I decided to take her bowling.
When I first laid eyes on my date, my breath was taken away, not because of her beautiful features but because of all the things that she failed to mention about herself. Her outfit was something out of Valley Girls, circa 1980, with tight pants that strangled, not generously hugged, her rather large rear end. And if I wasn't shocked enough by her tacky appearance, her language shocked me even more. I felt like I was on a date with a foul- mouthed sailor, not a person that claimed to be a woman.
However, despite her looks and vulgarity, I trudged along with the date. I even decided to make things interesting by making a bet with her over a frame of bowling. The bet --- loser buys the winner a prize. The prize would be an order of cheese fries. Now before the bet, the girl showed little to no interest in the sport, but now with the new stakes on the line, she couldn't have been more excited. She ended up winning the game and the cheese fries.
After the cheese fries were ordered and delivered, the woman took it upon herself to dig in, literally. Her face and fingers were covered in the nacho goo of the fries. When it was her turn to bowl she would lick cheese off of her fingers and then stick them in the holes of the bowling ball. She ended up devouring all but three fries. Then, with her orange covered mouth she asked if I wanted the remaining fries. Of course not! She had pieces of fry shooting from her mouth. I had to dodge the shards like I was in The Matrix.
Any chances that this woman would be a turn on to me were turned off. I will never date her again.
"Sarah's Bad Date"
Sarah met Chris one night at a party. They exchanged numbers and decided to go to dinner the next night. Chris picked Sarah up at her apartment and told her that he liked her outfit, not because it looked good but because it matched his.
As they drove to the restaurant, Chris explained to Sarah how well he treats women and how lucky she was to be going out with him.
Once they arrived at the restaurant, he was amazed that she ordered his favorite drink. He told her, “We must be connected in some way,” and he started planning camping trips, visits to amusement parks and overnight excursions. He planned out the next 6 months of their lives.
At the end of dinner, Chris asked the age-old question “Is the glass half full or half empty?” Being a little pessimistic, Sarah said “half empty.” With that, Chris became extremely angry and said he refused to believe that, that his prior girlfriend had been a pessimist and he hated it. He refused to talk to Sarah for the remainder of the date and then drove her home.
When they arrived at Sarah’s apartment, he turned to her and said that he forgave her and acted as though she should be very grateful.
Sarah did not see Chris again.
"Laura's Bad Date"
Laura’s bad date never actually began.
Since the restaurant was by her date’s house, they made plans to meet at his apartment and walk to dinner together. Laura arrived promptly at 8:00, in a brand new dress. She knocked and no one answered. She knocked louder and there was still no answer. Laura just figured maybe he was still in the shower and couldn’t hear the door. She tried the door handle and found it unlocked, so she slowly opened it just enough to shout the obligatory, “Hello?”
She was shocked to find her date lying face down on the floor! Alarmed, she let out a small screech. Was this some sort of joke? She rolled him over and attempted to wake him. There was no response, but he was breathing! Laura started to panic a bit. Then shook him even harder and eventually two half open eyes acknowledged her presence.
A drunken, slurred, semi-coherent voice began to slowly attempt forming words. It was at that moment Laura realized the entire apartment was littered in beer bottles, and her date was incoherently drunk.
Sarah was in no mood to baby-sit, especially a guy she hardly knew. Somehow she managed to help him to his couch, made sure he didn’t need to go to the emergency room, and left him in his drunken daze.
Laura ran into her negligent date a month later, and he acted as if he had no idea what had happened.
"Anonymous Bad Date"
My worst date was when I drove an hour to see a woman I met online. Everything seemed great. Her picture was nice, and she seemed sweet. We had chatted for about a week.
We lived two hours apart, so we met halfway at a park for a picnic. That is when the floor dropped out from under me, as I realized her picture was, shall we say, slightly outdated.
This has happened before, but this time I was really disappointed. I had driven an hour and chatted for an entire week. This was the biggest waste of time ever. I am happy to be disappointed at home, thank you.
"Anonymous Bad Date"
So I meet this girl online, and she seems pretty cool. She lives an hour away in a small town, but I decided it was worth my while. I get to her house, and like so many others, she has falsely advertised with her picture.
Luckily it wasn’t too bad. She still looked nice. The drive over was okay, so things were looking pretty good. After some brief chit-chat we decided to go for some food and drinks. This is when it starts going down hill.
The only place open was a hole-in-the-wall Mexican place. The drinks were just okay, the chips made us both feel ill, and there she proceeded to tell me that she is a serious feminist.
After about an hour, we go back to her place. There she gives me a tour of the house, which is stifling because she doesn’t like to use the air conditioner. At that point we didn’t have much to talk about; she hates men, it’s hot in her house, and I feel sick from the chips. I left soon after.
"Josh's Bad Date"
Josh is a 24 year old blue-collar worker. He came across Danielle’s profile on a popular online dating site. He was instantly attracted to her, mainly because she was just what he was looking for, “I am a beautiful older woman into meaningless animal sex …” She sent Josh her picture and he was pleased. She looked like Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider.
After some emailing and phone calls, Danielle asked Josh to meet her at a bar for drinks. Finally meeting her in person he thought, “What a bombshell,” even though her makeup was a little heavy. Danielle introduced Josh to all her equally attractive friends but then Josh started to notice things.
Danielle and her friends were extremely aggressive --- groping Josh. They took shots and drank whiskey, no fruity drinks there.
Suddenly it all became too clear as Danielle got up on stage and began to sing “Its Raining Men.” Josh realized she was a drag queen.
Danielle was a man, and Josh snuck out as soon as possible, feeling violated and deceived.
"Anonymous Bad Date"
I went out on one single date with this girl, but you would think I played a role in and ruined her entire life.
It was only one single dinner, and then afterwards, I emailed her and told her that I wasn't interested. I just wasn't attracted to her and told her so. I did this to be honest, as we had only chatted online through a dating service and when we met in person, the chemistry just didn't click.
Well, it has been two months and her friends (who I also met only once, in passing during our ONE date) are still approaching me and saying things like, "We know what you did to Christy." I’ve heard she is calling me her ex-boyfriend, but all we did was have one date!
Even worse she keeps emailing me and asking me if there is "somebody else" and why I don't want to be her "boyfriend" anymore. She is also accusing me of lying to her.
It's not like I told her I loved her anything. Technically there was no betrayal. I am really wondering when all of this is finally going to end. I guess that some people just can't take "no" for an answer.
"Katie's Bad Date"
Katie was excited to go out with the girls for a well-deserved night on the town. They planned to just have fun, but of course they would be on the prowl. She and her best friend Taylor dressed and went to their favorite, local melting pot. Good atmosphere, moderately priced drinks and usually, good company.
They both saw the guy standing at the bar. He saw them too and came over. His name was David, and he seemed genuinely nice. He chatted them both up for a while, and when Katie excused herself to go the ladies room she knew he’d ask Taylor about her.
When she returned, David and Taylor seemed very flirty but decided it didn’t matter. David stayed anchored to the barstool next to the girls, and eventually Taylor had to excuse herself. Alone with David, Katie was pleased to see his attention directed to just her. He brought up going out sometime and she agreed that it was a good idea. Taylor returned and then it all became clear.
David looked at the girls and said, “Now that we’re all game, how about we start our date now.” The girls were clearly confused, apparently both having heard the same thing. He didn’t want to date one of them … he wanted to date both of them, together. Katie and Taylor loved each other, but not that much. Without a word, they turned and left David at the bar.
"Anonymous Bad Date"
I have a PhD in English and have trouble finding a man that I think is smart enough for me. I had heard a lot about this guy -- how smart he was, how good looking, how he had two PhDs, one in English and one in Math. I also heard about how he won last year's marathon for breast cancer, how he designed an award winning web site, how he owned two homes, etc., etc., etc.
Well, after hearing his sexy, well-spoken voice on the phone, I agreed to meet him at the movies. However, once we were seated together, I noticed this incredible body odor coming from him. He actually smelled worse than rotting garbage. And that was just his body odor. When he opened his mouth to speak, the stench was even worse. I kept thinking, "What could be caught in anyone's teeth that could possibly smell like that?"
The stench was so unbelievable that I used my hand and kept holding it to my nose just to breathe. I kept pretending to blow my nose as if I had allergies so I wouldn't hurt his feelings.
Afterwards, we went out for coffee, but I insisted we sit on the patio just so I could get some fresh air.
He drove me home, and I was thinking, "This is a shame. I should like him. This is a brilliant, wonderful guy,” but when he leaned over and tried to kiss me, I just couldn't take it. He pursed his lips, and I just left him there, looking like a goldfish while I ran in my house and locked the door.
Of course, he never called me again.
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